Confidence, ‘Success’, and Happiness are Creations of Your Mind - By Kandis James

“You wouldn’t understand,” she said. “I’m not like you. I’m terrified of putting myself out there - terrified of what people will think of me.” 

I smiled and thought to myself, “The grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it?” 

I had hired a young woman who was fresh-out-of-university to help me publish my book. And there we sat on a Zoom call one day not too long ago when she was telling me about the job interviews she’d been going through and the lack of offers that she was receiving. She felt it was her nervousness that was keeping her from getting the jobs she really wanted, and was sharing a truckload of self-doubt, worry, shame, guilt and indecision that she’d been carrying around in her mind for far too long now. 

“I’ve been hearing things like that more and more lately,” I replied to her. “People see me as bold, daring, assertive, self-aware, confident and self-loving. And I am!”

“But I wasn’t always. What people don’t see,” I continued, “are the years I spent addicted to diet pills, starving myself, and going into debt buying designer clothes just to feel like I fit in. They don’t see my school years when I was bullied, and they don’t see all the years I partied away because I was too scared to actually go for my dreams and I even believed I wasn’t ‘good enough’ to achieve what I really wanted in this life.” 

She looked at me, her jaw dropping open slightly in what was apparent disbelief.

“I’ve been where you are,” I said. “And I still experience those fears. But what I’ve learned is that we get to wake up each and every day and choose who we are going to be, and how we are going to show up. And when those fears arise, I choose not to run, but to look that fear in the face, acknowledge it, and keep on moving forward,” I said.

“Because to me, the biggest fear of all is to get to the end of my time here on earth and realize I never lived the life I dreamt of.”

CONFIDENCE • FEAR • SELF-DOUBT • WORRY - Are All Creations of the MIND

It wasn’t the first time in the past few months that people had commended me on my confidence and how they admired my ability to ‘put myself out there’. And the most interesting thing is that I find most people see it as something I was born with - a ‘personality trait’, if you will. And yet that couldn’t be further from the truth.  

I was a shy young kid, hiding behind my mom’s legs when introduced to new people. I was bullied in school. I remember being called on in class during grade seven and as I gave my answer all I could hear was laughter and snickering. 

“Listen to her voice,” someone said. 

“She sounds like a man,” said another. 

“Why does she even talk?” someone asked.

I think that was the last time for a very long time that I would answer in class. When a teacher would call on me after that, I simply put my head down and muttered “I dunno”. 

And the harder the kids were on me, the harder I became on myself. 

I’m partially amazed that now so many people see me as this confident, bold and self-loving individual. And I’m also not amazed at all, because I put in the work. Just like someone goes to the gym and eats healthily to get defined muscles and build strength, I put in regular work to learn to love myself in a way that allows me to live my life on my own terms and create a life I love from the inside out - no matter what others think.

Only I Can Create a Life I Love - And Only You Can Do It For You!

I think back to when I was living downtown Toronto and felt as though I’d done all the things I was ‘supposed to do’ - I’d landed a great job, a beautiful condo, more than enough money, and even invitations to all the hottest parties. 

But no amount of parties, sex, diet pills, designer clothes, or drugs can ever replace your own self-worth and your deep desires for what you truly want in life. 

I wasn’t happy. In fact, I was downright miserable. And each day that I woke up and went to a job I didn’t like, wearing clothes that were racking up debt on my credit cards, and partying WAY too much on the weekends, I felt like a little part of me was dying inside each and every day. 

I knew what I WANTED in life - to travel the world, start a business, and to make a difference - and YET - every time I would allow myself to daydream about these things I’d become overwhelmed with a million thoughts in my head:

• It will never work.

• I’ve got responsibilities.

• I can’t just leave my job.

• I’m too old for this.

• What if I fail?

• What if I lose all my money? 

• What if people laugh at me? 

• Etc, Etc, Etc.

Everything I wanted would suddenly seem so far away once again - all but a dream that vanished upon waking to these thoughts of what I then called ‘reality’. 

I knew what I dreamed of for my life was possible for others - but they sure didn’t seem possible for me. 

And then one day I went on a date with a man from the internet who triggered something within me that changed the entire trajectory of my life. I realized that just like I was creating those thoughts of ‘reality’ - I could uncreate them too. And in fact - I could create NEW thoughts that would actually help me get where I wanted to be in life. 

And soon after, I quit my job, travelled to more than 15 countries, lived in Thailand for over 5 years, and spent 12 months in Italy. I trained in mindfulness meditation in the temples in Thailand, ate the best local food everywhere I went, and danced until sunrise in nightclubs and beaches alike. All the while, I was building a business and a life for myself that lights me up from the inside out. And I finally wrote that book I’d always said I was going to write.

Wake Up and Get Out Of Your Own Way

When people see me now, they often assume I simply am the way that I am - and that I always have been. Some people think that what I have comes easy to me - or that I’m ‘lucky’. 

But what I have and who I am has nothing to do with luck. And it has everything to do with taking consistent steps each day to understand and build upon my strengths and also to learn about, recognize, and work to improve my weaknesses. And to continuously take steps and make choices each day that bring me closer to my goals, instead of further away from them.

And it ALL begins when we tap into those thoughts that go round and and round in our minds telling us that we’re not good enough, smart enough, tall enough, short enough, white enough, black enough, or confident enough to go after what we want in this life. 

To achieve your dreams and live your best life as that confident badass you know you’re meant to be… you first gotta GET OUTTA YOUR HEAD so you can GET INTO YOUR LIFE. 

You see, nobody is going to hand you the life you’ve been dreaming of on a silver platter. And just like I am the only person who could create my own dream life - YOU are the only person who can create yours. 

And yet the funny little paradox is that we are also the number one thing that is holding ourselves back from everything we want in this life - or more specifically - the thoughts of fear, doubt, insecurity, indecision, self-loathing, worry and overthinking will continue to hold us back until we learn to get outta our heads. 

I know, because my thoughts used to hold me back.

After learning how to control these thoughts and use my mind instead of my mind using me - I’ve learned to love myself deeper than I knew was possible, which allows me to put myself out there and make my dreams a reality. 

My next dream is to help millions of others through my book and my online coaching program, Live Your Dreams, to learn how to get outta their own heads so they can finally thrive in our modern world and live their best lives too.

With much love, peace and laughter, 

Kandis

Get the book here >>

https://www.kandisjames.com/a/2147489829/ZxT9giwC

Learn about Live Your Dreams here >>

https://www.kandisjames.com/a/2147489831/ZxT9giwC

Also check out Kandis's amazing podcast on Apple called - Get Outta Your Head (and into your life)

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https://www.facebook.com/Kandis.K.James

Instagram >>

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ABOUT KANDIS

Kandis is the founder of Live Your Dreams, an online group coaching program designed to help others create a life they love to live each and every day. She’s also an author, a business coach for James Wedmore’s Business by Design, and an Applied Mindfulness and NLP Certified Life & Success Coach - but she prefers the title Dream Life Strategist. 

Kandis knows that the true meaning of life is happiness. And the only thing standing in anyone’s way of achieving their dream life is their mind. She hopes to use her wealth of experience and knowledge to help millions of people get outta their head, and step into their best life.